Facts & Opinions About Bufo (Cane) Toads: A Poem

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Hope you enjoy my blogs.

They’re usually about houses,

Today, it’s about FROGS.

Toads, actually.

They’re far more disgusting.

When I let my dog outside,

Ever so trusting.

Here are some bumpy facts

About these fat little creatures,

Their dangers, their demeanor,

Their identifying features.

Sometimes called “bufo”,

They’re also called “Cane”,

I don’t give a crap what you call them,

They drive me insane!

They’ll swim in your pool, 

Hop through your grass, 

Take residence on your patio, 

And generally, be a pain in your ass.

The bigger they get, 

The more daring they become.

Playing chicken on the sidewalk,

I feel really dumb.

Originally from South America,

Northward they spread,

Their poisonous mucous

Can drop your dog dead.

The females are larger, 

But less bumpy than the males,

They croak in the morning,

But they don’t have scales.

I just read on the internet

That the females lay up to 30,000 eggs!

Just what we need here,

More of these revolting dregs.

There are lots of ways to kill them,

Or keep them away,

Some say put them in the freezer,

But that’s just f*cking creepy! 

(That doesn’t rhyme, but I can’t imagine catching a toad, putting it in a plastic bag, and putting it in my freezer.  That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.)

You can poison them, club them, 

Or sprinkle some salt,

It will burn their little toady toes

And it’s not considered assault!

Moral of the story,

Try to be kind.

They’re God’s creatures (or mistakes!)

But the grossest you’ll find!

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Lauren King
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